被精神病的人所寫的卻是如此令人動容

念到老師的報平安,我深深感動,同時也為她來擔憂。 願與你分享老師這一段淒美的文字:

我还是那个小辫子

大家好,我是李田田。刚从“医院”出来,所以第一时间回复大家。感谢大家对我的关心,对这件事情的关注! 我会继续以精灵的姿态生活在这人世间……

把最美的心灵呈现给这个世界!

现在,我的身体状况还在“恢复”中,精神状态也较差,所以短时间内可能回复不了大家太多信息或接受媒体采访,希望大家谅解。不过李田田永远是李田田,文字就是我精神和人格的体现,很多事情即使不用我正面回复大家,大家从我的公众号《山花诗田》和诗文合集《有只狐狸看月亮》中就能读懂我!

凡心所向,素履所往;

生如逆旅,一苇以航!

我是一个热爱生活、热爱自由、热爱读书的人。生活让我对这片土地充满感情,自由让我对这个世界充满向往,读书让我对所有人充满感激。因此,虽然我今年才27岁,思想却比同龄人成熟丰富,也经历了更多的事情,这些经历都是我人生的财富。

我感激所有或批评、或肯定、或讥讽我的人,你们都是我思想的锤炼者;我感恩大自然的山川异域、风月同天,你们给予我博大的胸怀;我感谢我身边的朋友、亲人及我肚子里的孩子,你们让我对生我养我的这片土地充满依恋! 正如艾青先生所说:

“为什么我的眼里常含泪水?因为我对这片土地爱得深沉!”

这几天永顺的天气很不好,窗外阴风阵阵、呼啸不止;风稍停息,一场纷纷扬扬的大雪又飘然而至;似乎想掩盖什么,又似乎想为这天地增加一丝明净。我站在这风雪中,满含热泪,既想起杜甫的《茅屋为秋风所破歌》:“ 安得广厦千万间,大庇天下寒士俱欢颜。” 又想起《红楼梦》: “丰年好大雪,珍珠如土金如铁。”

人生苦短,思绪万千!真有点杜甫“归来倚杖自叹息”的伤感。

好了!有点累了,需要休息一下。以后我还会继续努力工作,继续用心写作,继续满腔热忱的对待生活;不管发生什么事,我的思想和灵魂都不会受羁绊、被侵蚀或自我停滞!毕竟生活还是那么美好,有农人汗滴浇灌的泥土,有自然丛发的勃勃生机,有需要大庇的天下寒士,有远处隐隐不熄的灯火,还有人海里时刻彼此微笑的你我!

我很幸运,也很幸福!

也希望你们永远自由、快乐、幸福!

现在我回家了,一切暂时安好,也祝你们安好!我会用我的余生,继续去做更多有意义的事;这些事或许与你、与我、与他都有关!

谢谢大家!!!

写不下去了,泪水已多次打湿纸背!

——2021年12月26日

李田田于出来后

Mark Nepo’s poem “Accepting This”

Yes, it is true. I confess,
I have thought great thoughts,
and sung great songs—all of it
rehearsal for the majesty
of being held.

The dream is awakened
when thinking I love you
and life begins
when saying I love you
and joy moves like blood
when embracing others with love.

My efforts now turn
from trying to outrun suffering
to accepting love wherever
I can find it.

Stripped of causes and plans
and things to strive for,
I have discovered everything
I could need or ask for
is right here—
in flawed abundance.

We cannot eliminate hunger,
but we can feed each other.
We cannot eliminate loneliness,
but we can hold each other.
We cannot eliminate pain,
but we can live a life
of compassion.

Ultimately,
we are small living things
awakened in the stream,
not gods who carve out rivers.

Like human fish,
we are asked to experience
meaning in the life that moves
through the gill of our heart.

There is nothing to do
and nowhere to go.
Accepting this,
we can do everything
and go anywhere.”

The world aches for our gifts to brought to the table, even though we just play a very small part in a very long story and we will not end hunger, poverty, suffering, or war at the end of the day, or the end of our lives. Just be good and do good anyway.

根本沒有節哀順變這回事

曾寶儀在她的書“人生最大的成就,是成爲你自己”裏提到“當爺爺離開這世界,我心中的悲傷巨大到難以言喻。於是,當我經歷過爺爺離世,我再也無法對人說“節哀順變”。因為我知道,根本沒有節哀順變這回事。當悲傷確確實實出現在人們生命當中,沒有任何一套標準處理程序,能讓人照著步驟就順利消化它。 每個人都只能用自己的方式,去經驗、去化解那份複雜的情緒。”

當然,作爲身邊的人,我們可以做的就是讓人知道和感受到他們并不是孤單和無助的,他們是被愛和信任的,但同一時間,他們有自由按照他們獨特的情況和時間處理自己的情緒。

They need emotional support.

While I was driving, I turned on the radio and I was shocked by the information the host shared – there’s about 6 – 8 people died daily because of illicit-drug overdoses in BC in the past first ten month 2021.

When I was still the rector of St Elizabeth’s Anglican Church in Mississauga three years ago, we welcomed the NA (Narcotics Anonymous) group in our church building. I was allowed to attend their meetings. One time I had conversation with a Canadian born Chinese young man. He told me he’s trying to live clean but it’s difficult with the emotional support of the family. He was kicked out by his parents because they could not accept his son with drug addiction. I could see his tears when he talked about his family. He loved and missed his family very much. I did not know what to say, I just gave him a hug. He cried and said “thank you” to me. Because he moved to another shelter, he had never come to the NA meeting in our church since that evening. I have been keeping him in prayers.

There are many people need others’ emotional support so that they can continue their journey of living clean. In fact, emotion support is one powerful way to prevent people to use drugs to escape from their personal problems and pains. In fact, we all need others’ emotional support.

我上次大選沒有選執政黨,如今。。。

有人說世界沒有絕對民主和都是假民主。 我不知道什麽是和不會不切實際地說要有所謂絕對的民主。 但我知道,我在有好幾次在不同級的選舉中我都沒有投給執政黨,而在之後我也沒有因此而被捕和被害。 我們也有許多傳媒和評論人也沒有因爲批評執政黨和政要而被封殺和被告。 我很珍惜這份自由投票的(真)民主權利和言論的自由。 而當然在世界裏,更有所關心的國家地區沒有讓人民有這樣起碼的民主和自由。 我想這份對這樣的民主自由的訴求并不過分和並不真是這樣難做到的 (雖然整天有人說我們有這麽多人不能一下子和總要有過程的)。

Our worst enemy

In his book, “Ego is the Enemy”, Ryan Holiday points out the following truths for us:” Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, your worst enemy already lives inside you: your ego…It is that petulant child inside every person, the ones that chooses getting his or he way over anything or anyone else. The need to be better than, more than, recognized for, far past any reasonable utility – that is ego…but ego is there at the root of almost every conceivable problem and obstacle, from why we can’t win to why we need to win all the time at the expense of others. From why we don’t have what we want to why having what we want doesn’t seem to make us feel any better…we live inside our own fantasy…what we have is not confidence but delusion…ego tells us what we want to hear, when we want to hear it…”

Yes, I realize that my battle with my worst enemy has not yet finished. I believe I am not alone and helpless in this battle. Christmas reminds me that Christ has come to help us to fight and win this battle.