The Soft Overcomes the Hard

In his book, “The Tao of Daily Life”, Derek Lin points out that “in our conflict-oriented culture, we have a tendency to counter force with force. If someone yells at us, we yell back louder. When we feel disrespected, our first impulse is give that disrespect right back…the conventional approach is all about confrontation and clashing. It is the ‘hard’ path to traverse through life because it focuses on the external manifestations of power. Its method is to pump up the self by diminishing others”. Have you seen and experienced what Lin describes in your life & world? Yes, I have…

Lin offers us the Tao approach that “isn’t about confrontation and clashing. Instead, it is all about redirecting and channeling. It is the ‘soft’ path because it focuses on internal strength. Its goal is to improve oneself so that everyone can win…when you make a gut-level decision to commit yourself to this teaching, to be like water and allow the soft to overcome the hard … that is when your world, your life, and your fate will undergo a startling transformation. When you improve your character and elevate your spiritual understanding by utilizing the Tao approach .. that is when your destiny will never the same again!”

As I am getting older, my internal strength and confidence are getting stronger, I have more power to love, let go and forgive. That is the way of Tao.

我做工? 工造我!

區詳江博士前些年所寫的《我做工? 工造我!》是一本關於工作與自我的雙向旅程的書。 我非常同意他所說的,“人生是一個旅程,工作亦然 這是一段雙向的旅程;透過工作,我們在外在世界留下我們的足印。。。透過工作,我們在自己内心的世界,發掘自我,模塑自我,認識自我,。。這是一項内在的工作。。。透過内在的工作,我們能更有創意的面對外在工作。。。”。 但願我們不會被工作淹沒和耗盡,而是能在工作中得著意義和自我的實現。

Embrace the groundlessness of our situation

In her book, “Living beautifully with Uncertainty and Change”, Pema Chödrön profoundly points out that “As human beings we share a tendency scramble for certainty whenever we realize that everything around us is in flux. In difficult times the stress of trying to find solid ground – something predictable and safe to stand on – seems to intensify. But in truth, the very nature of our existence is forever in flux. Everything keeps changing, whether we’re aware of it or not. Our discomfort arises from all of our efforts to put ground under our feet, to realize our dream of constant okayness. When we resist change, it’s called suffering. But we can completely let go and not struggle against it, when we can embrace the groundlessness of our situation and relax into its dynamic quality, that’s called enlightenment, or awakening to our true nature, to our fundamental goodness. Another word for this is freedom…”

To have freedom, we need to leave the “prison” of our mind. We often feel insecure and we think a solid ground is the solution; then consequently we act to put ground (we think it is solid) under our feet. Unfortunately we need to keep find another ground and we feel suffered …until we are awaked spiritually.

Are you still in your journey of finding the solid ground?

高呼領袖萬萬嵗的封建極權

在禁書和在墻外的一些記錄片段裏,看到在天安門樓上有高官們帶領廣場下面上萬激情和被洗腦的人(大多數是青年人)高呼我們偉大的領袖萬歲萬萬歲。 然後那位偉大的領袖微笑著接受人們的高呼。

這個政黨自稱已經推翻了封建主義。 那封禁主義的代表就是皇帝,唯有才被成爲萬歲的。 爲什麽這一位自稱爲人民服務的偉大領袖卻要接受這個代表著封建極權獨裁統治者才有的稱號呢?

雖然舊人不在,新人沒有在讓人稱號他為萬歲了,但是仍然是集所有權與一身,并且要無限延長的他的權位。 現在有些人多麽盼望有新人取代他,就以爲一切會不一樣。 是的,如果真地有新人取代了他,那只不過是一家封禁皇朝的沒落和另外一家的興起,另外一幫人當權罷了。

如果沒有徹底在體制上改革和人們思想的蘇醒,那就別想談什麽自由,法制,民權。。。

Our Most Valuable Currency

In her book, “Fierce Conversations”, Susan Scott points out that “Our most valuable currency is not money. Nor is it intelligence, attractiveness…Our most valuable currency is relationship. Emotional capital…we behave emotionally first, rationally second. No matter how logical we claim to be, our emotions are the most powerful factor in how we respond and interact with others…Life is about making connections, most importantly, a deep connection with people; otherwise, we do not know what it means to be human.”

As what John Donne said, “no man is an island”, no one is truly self-sufficient; everyone must rely on the company and comfort of others in order to thrive. From now on, cherish and make investments on those people/relationship so that you are not going to be an island your journey of life.

潘宗光所寫的《佛教與人生》

化學家潘宗光教授寫道,“我小時侯,見到長輩在每月的初一、十五吃齋,過時過節燒香燭、殺鷄還神,那是我以爲那就是佛教。 學佛以後才知道那只是民間習俗,不是真正的佛教。 一般人往往分不清楚民間習俗和真正的佛教,因而誤把佛教當作是導人迷信的宗教,給佛教塗上迷信的色彩。 其實,佛教絕非導人迷信的宗教,同時也與科學沒有任何衝突。。。” 其實那只是佛教,有很多人對正信的宗教並不真正的認識和修行。 當然要有正確的認知和修行,要得放下成見並得花時間和下功夫才行。

潘教授以我們可以觀察到的大自然的一些事物現象來解釋重要的佛理。 我喜歡他對“緣起法”(它是諸法的基礎)的解釋,“。。。它指出世界上的所有事情、現象、物件都不會突然產生,而必需有一個主因,和適當的環境條件配合 – 助緣。 當因與緣配合得宜,成熟時就會產生結果。。。條件的消失可稱之爲因緣散盡,這時果就會隨之而消失,沒法存在。。。任何事物都是互相依存,不可以單獨存在。。。因變果,果變因,因果相續,沒完沒了地演繹下去,不會停止。。。”

而“無常”就是“不斷變遷的意思”。 “諸法無常”就是指“事物按因果而變化。 雖然變化有快有慢,而收穫也有程度不同,但只要種下了因便終有結果的一天”。 所以,“諸法無我”,“事物沒有不變的本質。。。只是在某個環境之下。。。佛法也一樣,只有它能起到作用之時才是佛法,否則也只是一個假名,姑且稱之而已“。 作爲牧師,我也認同,我們所講的”福音“,如果并沒有爲人帶來真正的幸福和好消息,那’福音”也只是一個名而已。 當然,起碼對於我個人來説,福音並只是一個名而已。

”佛教的空也非指什麽都沒有,空是説事物沒有一個固定不變的本質,目的是教我們不要執著世事的表面現象,要將事情看得透徹一點。。。明白世間本來如此,不應執著於’有‘或’無‘的任何一邊,對世間萬物不會輕率認同或否定,發璞歸真,以平常心看事物即中道“。

作爲一位牧師閲讀、學習和分享一本談論佛法基礎的書并沒有使我迷失自我。 正好相反,就是因爲自身的信仰使我能夠放下執著和打開自己的心在不同人和 信仰裏發現人生的一些法理來。

Michael Jacques’ book, “Can’t Read, Can’t Write, Here’s My Book”

Michael has autism and an intellectual disability. Even though he can’t write, he uses his iPad’s speech-to-text function to write (that is why reading the book feels like someone talking to me about his stories). Even though he can’t read, he “can remember each story I wrote by looking at the pictures” (that is why the book has many small pictures).

Michael’s book is down-to-earth collection of compelling life stories and discoveries that teach us how to embrace and celebrate our differences. The book covers topics such as learning, inclusion, advocating, independence, and the power of perseverance.

In the followings, I like to share few of his messages inspired me a lot:

“…even though a person may have some difficulties, it doesn’t mean they can’t achieve what they set out to do. Sometimes it might take a long time, but that is OK…When I was finally diagnosed in grade one, my mod told me that she cried, but that was the last time she did, because she knew that I would be amazing. These words were said many times throughout my life…Everyone needs parents who listen and ask lots of questions, who speak up for their children and let them find their voices…there are different ways to learn. I realized that I could focus on my strengths and use my voice to speak up…Now I would like to talk to you about the stages of bullying. The first one is physical…The second one is mental…it was the third kind: exclusion…It was sometimes frustrating that people didn’t understand me…true friend is not about focusing on what people cannot do, but instead focusing on the thing we’re good at and the things we like…All you have to do is believe in yourself and not be afraid to ask for help when you need it, and hopefully we all have people who believing in us…Everyone’s different, so everyone has to find their own voice and learn what is right for them, and if something isn’t working, there’s always another to do it…everybody can find a way to be good at something…never discredit yourself and never sell yourself short. Always look for different ways to do things if you can’t do it the exact same way as others…not just see me as a person with a disability…see me as someone who is deserving of the same opportunities in life as those without disabilities…Focus on your strengths and find ways to make it happens”

His book is not only for the disability but for everyone. I have been touched deeply with smiles and tears while reading his book. Thank you, Michael.

從多少人頭落地的權斗認識這是一個什麽樣的政權

國内的許多影視製作都含有政治目的和為政權服務的,通常這是用來遮蓋和扭曲歷史事實真相的。 在那些關於早期中共領導人的電影裏,我們看到都是那些領導人的無私和之間的和諧團結和愛護。 但這些影視片并沒有如實把爲了權力他們之間殘酷的鬥爭,他們彼此在黨内和之後在國家裏透過發動過多少次(名義是肅貪,整風和反叛)運動來鏟除異己使多少(不但使另外一派的人和更是無辜的老百姓)人頭落地的情況告訴人們(這個政權的歷代領導人都是如此)。 這樣的政權(和他們所説的)還是可信的嗎? 還講什麽“爲人民服務”,都是來割韭菜的!

Remembrance, In Flanders Fields

Remembrance Day marks the anniversary of the official end of the World War I hostilities on November 11, 1918. World War I was a massive conflict was played out over the whole globe, but particularly in Europe, where troops from Canada supported the Allied forces.

World War I resulted in the loss of huge numbers of lives amongst both civilians and military personnel. Many more people were badly injured. The war left great emotional scars in the servicemen, who had experienced it, and in the communities, whose sons, brothers, fathers, uncles and even grandfathers had died. Remembrance Day commemorates those who died in armed conflicts, particularly in and since World War I.

In Canada, November 11 is officially called Remembrance Day, but it is also known as Armistice Day and Poppy Day.

Remembrance Day is symbolized by the artificial poppies that people wear and place at war memorials. The poppies may be worn or placed singly or as wreaths. The use of the poppy as a symbol of remembrance comes from a poem written by John McCrae, a Canadian doctor serving in the military. Flanders Fields is a common English name of the World War I battlefields in Belgium and France. The poem is called In Flanders Fields and describes the poppies growing in the Flemish graveyards where soldiers were buried.

Here is John McCrae’s “In Flanders Fields”:

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
    That mark our place; and in the sky
    The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
    Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
        In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
    The torch; be yours to hold it high.
    If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
        In Flanders fields.

Poppies grow well in soil that has been disturbed. They also grew in large numbers on battle fields. The red color of their petals reminded people of the blood lost by victims of and casualties in the conflict. Some people choose to wear white poppies to campaign for non-military interventions in conflict situations.

My friends, do you know how many years there have been in history without war? War is defined as an active conflict that has claimed more than 1,000 lives. Has the world ever been at peace? Of the past 3,400 years, humans have been entirely at peace for 268 of them, or just 8 percent of recorded history. However, violence and conflict happen everywhere daily.

Let us begin our work for peace with Prayer. Here is the Prayer for the Remembrance – a prayer for world peace (The Church of England):

O God of the nations,
as we look to that day when you will gather people
from north and south, east and west,
into the unity of your peaceable Kingdom,
guide with your just and gentle wisdom all who take counsel
for the nations of the world,
that all your people may spend their days in security, freedom, and peace,
through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

The Gospel & Personal Evangelism

According to a recent survey conducted by Alpha Canada and the Flourishing Congregations Institute (The Priority and Practice of Evangelism – Canadian Church Leader Perspective in 2021), 65 percent of church leaders say that evangelism hasn’t been a priority for their congregations over the last several years. Fifty-five percent say their congregations do not equip Christians to share their faith.

According Thom S. Rainer, the top fifteen reasons our churches are less evangelistic today are:

  1. Christians have no sense of urgency to reach lost people.
  2. Many Christians and church members do not befriend and spend time with lost persons.
  3. Many Christians and church members are lazy and apathetic.
  4. We are more known for what we are against than what we are for.
  5. Our churches have an ineffective evangelistic strategy of “you come” rather than “we go.”
  6. Many church members think that evangelism is the role of the pastor and paid staff.
  7. Church membership today is more about getting my needs met rather than reaching the lost.
  8. Church members are in a retreat mode as culture becomes more worldly and unbiblical.
  9. Many church members don’t really believe that Christ is the only way of salvation.
  10. Our churches are no longer houses of prayer equipped to reach the lost.
  11. Churches have lost their focus on making disciples who will thus be equipped and motivated to reach the lost.
  12. Christians do not want to share the truth of the gospel for fear they will offend others. Political correctness is too commonplace even among Christians.
  13. Most churches have unregenerate members who have not received Christ themselves.
  14. Some churches have theological systems that do not encourage evangelism.
  15. Our churches have too many activities; they are too busy to do the things that really matter.

In his book, “The Gospel & Personal Evangelism”, Mark Dever reminds us that “according to the Bible, all believers have received this commission”. The Commission he talks about is the Jesus Great Commission (Matthews 28:18-20).

Mark points out that “We can all contribute to evangelism simply by building up the local church – helping to organize or lead it. We may teach and equip. We may provide hospitality and encouragement. We may pray and serve and show mercy and give. But we also all have a responsibility to speak of God and the good news both insider and outside of the church…God calls all Christians to share the good news. Our churches need to make sure that we know the good news and to make sure that we can all express it clearly. And we should work to train each other in having the kind of Christian lives and clear understanding that will help us to share the gospel’.

I agree with him that “An account of a changed life is wonderful and inspiring thing, but it’s the gospel of Jesus Christ that explain what it’s all about and how it happened. And it’s the gospel that turns sharing a testimony into evangelism”.

I think Mark has given us a very concise and precise conclusion on evangelism, “a God-given commission and method, a God-centered message, and a God-centered motive (a desire to obedient, a love for the lost, and a love for God) We should all evangelize. Evangelism isn’t all those other things we considered; it is telling the good news about Jesus, and doing it with honesty, urgency and joy, using the Bible, living a life that backs it up, and praying, and doing it all for the glory of God…The Christian call to evangelism is not simply a call to persuade people to make decisions, but rather to proclaim to them the good news of salvation in Christ, to call them to repentance, and to give God the glory for regeneration and conversion. We do not fail in our evangelism if we faithfully tell the gospel to someone who is not subsequently converted; we fail only if we do not faithfully tell the gospel at all”

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” (Isaiah 6:8)

I pray all Christians say “yes” to the call to tell people the good news of Jesus Christ,

榮神父的”四碎之燈“

榮神父(Fr. Ronald Rolheiser), 所寫的書《四碎之燈 – 重新發現天主的臨在》,是一本 能夠幫助人重拾靈修的書。 在這個忙碌混亂的世代裏,我們越來越感覺不到上帝的臨在。 哲學家尼采在他宣稱“上帝已死”的時候摔碎了一盞燈,榮神父就以此來形容和指出是我們自己(我們和生活方式)將那盞象徵上帝臨在之光的燈摔毀的,

我在此只想引用介紹他在本書所寫的一些重要教導和提醒,“在我們的文化裏,分心走意實屬正常;默觀,獨處和祈禱卻並非常態。。。當我們的日常體驗完全向天主開放時,我們就能在其中看見天主…天主臨在我們内,也臨在我們四周,但除了罕有的片刻外,我們不曾察覺那臨在。。。對進入及通過感官的黑夜,(十架)若望的第三個忠告可以這樣說:不屈不撓地祈禱,愛及服務,就算做這些事絲毫不帶來滿足。。。要讓信德的真理成爲你生活的向導,而非你的感覺,知識及對安全的需要。 那麽你將一基督的眼睛觀看每一事物和每一個人。。。當人的談話和注意力集中在金錢,食物,娛樂,運動,性及養生之類的事,他們便鮮少意識到天主之火正燃灼著世界,更別説想到面對這一切,人該脫掉他的鞋子(摩西的故事)。。。假使我們完全警醒地面對所謂’世俗經驗‘中含存的一切,我們會發現天主絕非是死了。。。當我們正確地看待我們的生命,就會看出一切都是恩賜。。。“

上帝沒有死,我們也不能把上帝殺死,只是我們的心死而已。 榮神父在這本書沒有向我們提供什麽獨門靈修大法,只是歷代聖徒一樣提醒和引導我們回轉歸向上帝,向上帝敞開經歷上帝的臨在,這樣,我們就能出死入生。

Freedom in Commitment

In his book, “the subtle are of not giving a fuck”, Mark Manson, who visited fifty-five countries, made dozens of friends, and found himself in the arm of a number of lovers, talk about what he has learned from/after his journey of seeking freedom and adventure. He wrote, “…after the years of excitement, the biggest lesson I took from my adventuring was this: absolute freedom, by itself, means nothing. Freedom grants the opportunity for greater meaning, but itself there is nothing necessarily meaningful about it. Ultimately, the only way to achieve meaning and a sense of importance in one’s life is through a rejection of alternatives, a narrowing of freedom, a choice of commitment to one place, one belief, or (gulp) one person. To truly appreciate something, you must confine yourself to it. There is a certain level of joy meaning that you reach in life only when you have spent decades investing in a single relationship….there is freedom and liberation in commitment…Commitment gives you freedom because you’re no longer distracted by the unimportant…Commitment allows you to focus intently on a few highly important goal and achieve degree of success you otherwise would…rejection of what does not align with our most important values…”.

In fact, the learnings Mark Manson has shared with us are applicable to many areas of life. The question is if we know what our important values are and what we want to be in our life. Do you know,,,?

受人敬仰在於寬廣的胸襟

明僧德清禪師說過:「天地大,以能匯成其大;江海深,以善納成其深,聖人尊,以納污含垢成其尊,是以聖人愈容愈大,愈下愈尊。」很多時候,一個人之所以能夠被人敬仰,受人尊敬,不在於他能力有多高,相貌有多體面,知識有多淵博,而在於他有寬廣的胸襟,能夠容人之不能。

你的胸襟有多淺窄,多寬廣呢?

The Anglican Vision

When I was considering to become an Anglican years ago, James E. Griffiss’ “The Anglican Vision” helped me to understand the origin of Anglicanism, Anglican belief and practice.

For someone like me coming from non-liturgical Christian background, his explanation on “the church as sacrament” dispelled my misunderstanding. He wrote, “In our prayer book sacraments are defined as ‘outward and visible signs of inward and spiritual grace, given Christ as sure and certain means by which we receive that grace’…The witness of the Bible, the doctrinal tradition of councils and creeds, the discipline of prayer, worship, and action, and our communion with one another and with God – all of these essential components of how the church is the sacrament of God’s presence. They are our heritage in the catholic faith mediated to us and brought to life in the particular historical condition o four church community. By the grace of God, we believe, the Word of Truth will be present with us in the process of our hearing and speaking.”

According to his description, are you and I the sacraments? As a priest, have I been with my “church” experiencing His presence among&in us? May God help us.

信為何物

英國聖公會的羅雲(Rowan William) 主教所寫的這一本名爲《信為何物:基督教信仰簡介》的書雖然是一本”小“書,透過以信經的重要宣稱(我信:上帝是全能的;祂是創造天地的主;耶穌是上帝的兒子;祂從死裏復活;有一獨一的教會和死後有生命)精簡地告訴人我們基督徒所信的到底是什麽。

我在這節錄下幾段我喜愛的句子,均是出自此書的最後一章:”按基督教傳統,永恆最主要的是以上帝的真實爲樂 – 不是融入某種終極的‘絕對裏’,而那時享受活潑的關係。。。永恆需要默觀。。。其實它的意思只是讓我們你自己進入光中,展開一段適應愛中生活的過程而已。。。默觀與天堂所要求的沒有兩樣:全然獻上,全然領受;不斷地脫掉自己,也不斷披上基督,在禱告與愛中享受同在。。。默觀既是放棄看慣了的形象,離開我們對上帝慣有的觀念和圖畫,走出舒適地帶,捨棄叫我們安舒的情緒,放棄那些我們以爲叫我們快樂的事物。。。當我們說:‘我們的父‘,當我們説著耶穌所説的説話,又在心靈深處藉著耶穌的靈進到父面前,嘗試摒棄一切叫我們感覺更好更安全的東西,朝著真理走過去 – 這才明白’我信’的意思”。

有點基督徒都會在每主日崇拜念信經的,你明白和相信你所念的嗎? 以前有一個朋友跟著太太來參加崇拜,他告訴我他明白信經的意思和重要,所以他沒有跟著念,原因他還未信主。

下一次你在主日念的時候,請從心來念。

今天你選擇了甚麼態度呢?

每天你都能選擇享受你的生命,或是憎恨它。這是唯一一件真正屬於你的權利:沒有人能夠控制或奪去的東西就是你的態度。如果你能時時注意到這個事實,你生命中的其他事情就會變得容易許多。

今天你選擇了甚麼態度呢? 今天你享受你的生命嗎?

愛情就是一碗飯?

對於愛情而言,並不需要整天的海誓山盟,有時候只需平淡的就像一碗飯。

那是個秋季,有個女孩認識了一個男孩子。 他們開始了一段浪漫的時光。一切都和女孩想像中的一樣美麗。 那些日子裡,女孩的辦公桌上,開始有玫瑰花。 據說,玫瑰是代表愛情的。女孩細心地為玫瑰換水,用前所未有的溫柔目光注視它們。 辦公室裡的女孩子們,常常在一起討論有關愛情的話題。 而戀愛中的那個女孩總是說:「愛情,一定要有浪漫的,美麗的,就好像──好像那些玫瑰花!」

後來,有一天晚上,男孩帶女孩去一家小餐館吃飯。 女孩吃飯的時候,男孩坐在對面,看著她吃。 女孩吃著吃著,忽然想起了小時候,外婆就常常這樣坐在她對面,看著她吃飯。外婆的目光裡,含著慈祥和喜愛,讓小時候的她,充滿了被寵愛的感覺,那種感覺只有一個詞可以形容:幸福。 女孩抬頭看男孩的眼睛。那雙含笑的眼睛裡映著女孩的臉,竟然也是很慈祥的樣子。那一刻女孩彷彿回到了從前,小小的心裡溢滿了被愛的快樂。

女孩吃剩半碗飯,放在一邊。 男孩對她笑笑,伸手拿走了那半碗飯,開始吃起來。吃得那樣香甜,那樣自然。 女孩愣了愣。在她的印象中,只有外婆和父母才吃過她吃剩下的飯。那是只有一家人才可以做得這麼自然的事啊。

而男孩…… 「嘿,妳知道嗎,我忽然想起了什麼?」男孩吃著飯,說:「我忽然想,如果以後有一天,我們窮得只剩下一碗飯,我一定會讓妳先吃飽。真的,我發誓!」 女孩想,這真是一個奇怪的誓言啊,但這卻是男孩對女孩許下的唯一誓言!不知道為什麼,女孩卻為這個奇怪的、有關一碗飯的誓言哭了……

此後,當同伴們再次說起愛情時,那個女孩就總是會說:「愛情啊,愛情就是一碗飯。」

這是一個關於LOVE的故事

自從父親不幸身亡後,十歲的瑪麗只有和母親相依為命。明天就是聖誕節了,疾病纏身的母親,掏出家裡僅有的五美元遞給瑪麗,讓她上街買點禮物給自己。 瑪麗拿著錢卻去找到奧克多醫生。她把五美元遞給醫生,小聲請求道:「奧克多先生,您能再幫我母親做一次腰椎按摩治療嗎?」奧克多輕輕搖了搖頭,無奈道:「瑪麗,五美元不夠的,最少也得五十美元……」瑪麗失望地走出了診所。 大街的一角圍了一些人,瑪麗擠進去一看,是一個街頭的輪盤賭。輪盤上依次刻著二十六個阿拉伯數字,這些數字也依次對應著二十六個英文字母。不管你押多少錢,也不管你押什麼數字,只要輪盤轉兩圈後,指針能停在你的選擇上,那麼你都將獲得十倍的回報。 輪盤賭的主人拉莫斯對著瑪麗揮揮手,示意她走開。瑪麗卻沒有退縮,她猶豫了一會兒,把手中的五美元放在了第十二格上。輪盤轉兩圈後,停在了第十二格,瑪麗的五美元變成了五十美元。輪盤再次旋轉前,瑪麗把五十美元放在了第十五格。瑪麗又贏了,五十美元變成了五百美元。人們開始注意瑪麗,拉莫斯問:「孩子,妳還要玩嗎?」瑪麗把五百美元放在了第二十二格。結果,她擁有了五千美元。拉莫斯的聲音顫抖了:「孩子,繼續嗎?」瑪麗鎮定地把五千美元押在了第五格,所有的人都屏住了呼吸。不到一分鐘後,有人忍不住驚呼:「上帝啊,她又贏了!」拉莫斯快哭了:「孩子,妳……」瑪麗認真道:「我不玩了,我要請奧克多先生為我媽媽按摩──我愛我的媽媽!」 瑪麗走後,有人開始計算連續四次猜對的機率有多少。拉莫斯則像呆了似的凝視著自己的輪盤,突然,他痛哭道:「我知道我輸在那裡了,這孩子是用『愛』在跟我賭博啊!」人們這才注意到,瑪麗投注的「十二、十五、二十二、五」四個數字,對應的英文字母正是「L、O、V、E」!

Self awareness, questioning yourself

In his book, “the subtle of art of noting give a fuck”, Mark Manson had one chapter to discuss his version of get to know more about ourselves. At first, he helped us to be humble about our knowing, “As the old adage goes, the man who believes he knows everything learns nothing. We cannot learn anything without first not knowing something. The more we admit we do not know, the more opportunities we gain to learn”.

Furthermore, he pointed out that “As a general rule, we’re all the world’s worst observers of ourselves. When we’re angry, or jealous, or upset, we’re oftentimes the last ones to figure it out. And the only way to figure it out is to put cracks in our armor of certainty by consistently questioning how wrong we might be about ourselves”.

Thus, self awareness does not mean that we know yourself in 100%, but we are aware that we are still in the journey of learning about ourselves.

How do we have “crucial conversations”

In the book, “Crucial conversations: tools for talking when stakes are high”, the authors has offered us guidelines on the followings: 1) we need to focus on what we really want; 2) learn how to notice safety is at risk; 3) learn how to make it safe to talk about almost anything; 4) learn how to stay in dialogue when we are angry, scared or hurt; 5) we need to speak persuasively; 6) how to listen when others blow up and clam up and 9) we get to turn crucial conversation into action and result.

To have effective crucial conversations, with our goal in our mind, we need to take heart, take guts and take actions.