We may need to cope with negative people in our daily life. In his book “The Tao of Daily Life”, Derek Lin has offered us the way to handle negative people:
“Criticizing others while being unaware of their own faults is something that many people do. We can even say that it is something we all do from time to time…when people lash out at us with venomous criticism, we should not accept it passively. We should certainly protect ourselves by putting some distance between us and them if at all possible; protect ourselves in other ways if not. The crucial point is that we can do so without feeling offended or insulted because these people are simply being themselves. It is their nature to be critical and judgmental, so it would be absurd for us to take offense, It would be pointless to get angry.”
The question for you and I to ask ourselves at first is if we have recognized and accepted our negative nature. We have to keep ourselves away from being negative toward ourselves and others.
In her book, “small bites – mindfulness for everyday use”, Annabelle Zinser teaches us how we are going to let go:
“You can ask yourself, ‘can I truly open myself up to all the changes in this new situation?’ This can help you develop acceptance, equanimity, and curiosity. Once in an obituary I read a quote from the Sufi master Hazrat. It has accompanied me ever since: ‘When the roof over your head collapses, you can finally see the sky.’ This quote continues to help me let go and develop an unconditional acceptance toward what is and what will be. Practicing with the small things helped me to see that I am increasing my ability to rediscover the sky during the difficult times as well. ”
Annabelle suggests that:
“Breathing and walking meditation are also wonderful opportunities to practice letting go. You need to let go of your in-breath in order to fully experience your out-breath. And you need to let go of your out-breath in order to fully experience the next in-breath. you need to complete the step with the left leg in order to to step with the right leg.”
Before my breathing and walking meditation, I think about the things I need to let go just for that moment. Then I start my breathing and walking meditation. At the beginning, I experience the breath in & out, and the steps with the left leg and the right leg. Then, I “let all worries, problems, and plans drift by like clouds in a windy sky” when I breath in. I “gently give myself a hug and I am willing to let go” when I breath out. I start to see the sky as the clouds have been being drifted.
American Cartoonist, Bil Keane, once said:
“Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.”
My friend, be mindful of the gift of every present moment in our life. Open your hands to receive this gift. Open your heart to live in every “this moment”.
When I am reading “Just for today” (one of the textbooks for the Narcotics Anonymous group) this morning, I am reminded that “Though I may be feeling low, I don’t need to tear someone down to build myself up…The way to build our self-esteem is not to tear others down but to build them up through love and positive concern. To help us with this, we can ask ourselves if we are contributing to the problem or to the solution. Today, we can choose to build instead of destroy”.
Today, I choose to build. What/how about you? What/how about tomorrow?
In his book, “The Tao of Daily Life”, Derek Lin points out that “in our conflict-oriented culture, we have a tendency to counter force with force. If someone yells at us, we yell back louder. When we feel disrespected, our first impulse is give that disrespect right back…the conventional approach is all about confrontation and clashing. It is the ‘hard’ path to traverse through life because it focuses on the external manifestations of power. Its method is to pump up the self by diminishing others”. Have you seen and experienced what Lin describes in your life & world? Yes, I have…
Lin offers us the Tao approach that “isn’t about confrontation and clashing. Instead, it is all about redirecting and channeling. It is the ‘soft’ path because it focuses on internal strength. Its goal is to improve oneself so that everyone can win…when you make a gut-level decision to commit yourself to this teaching, to be like water and allow the soft to overcome the hard … that is when your world, your life, and your fate will undergo a startling transformation. When you improve your character and elevate your spiritual understanding by utilizing the Tao approach .. that is when your destiny will never the same again!”
As I am getting older, my internal strength and confidence are getting stronger, I have more power to love, let go and forgive. That is the way of Tao.