Mental Health

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Being subjective vs objective

Are you subjective or objective? How can we be more objective?

I think what Elizabeth Thornton has offered in her book, “The Objective Leader”, has offered us insightful descriptions and comparisons of subjectivity and objectivity:

“Leadership effectiveness is measured by our ability to achieve results. We analyze the situation, make a decision, take action, and hope for the desired result. Our results are determined by the actions we take. Our actions are determined by the decisions we make. Our decisions are based on what we think or believe about the situation. The challenge for leaders is that it is quite natural for us to perceive and respond to everything we experience through the lens of our mental models. These mental models are our deep-rooted ideas, assumptions, and biases about the way the world works and how things ought to be. When we encounter a person, situation or event, we instantly project our mental models, which are often based on our backgrounds, past experiences, and fears. The end result is that we often perceive, judge, and respond to people, circumstances, and events incorrectly, and we fail to achieve our intended result. Our ability to evaluate situations, make decisions, and take effective action is directly related to our ability to be objective – to perceive and respond to things as they really are…I do not believe we, as humans, can be 100 percent objective…The good news is that we can challenge our underlying assumptions and the way we frame our world in order to reduce our subjectivity and respond more objectively to what actually is….When we can ask ourselves about other possible ways of looking at a situation, we are being objective. When we can understand and consider another person’s point of view, we are being objective. When we can identify and evaluate assumptions and conclusions other than our own, we are being objective. When we can put our past experience behind us, use it only as a data point but evaluate situations in the present, we are being objective. Therefore, our working definition of objectivity is seeing and accepting things as they are without projecting our fears, mental models, and past experience, and responding thoughtfully and deliberately to the people, circumstances, and events in our lives”.

Although this book is for leaders, Thornton’s insights on subjectivity and objectivity are applicable to everyone. In my own reflection, I realize how subjective I have been according to Thronton. At the same time, I am inspired and encouraged by Thornton that we can be more objective.

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Normal Enjoyment or Addiction?

As a priest/pastor, I need and hope to help people to conquer their addictions, for example, alcohol. At first, we need to distinguish what might be considered normal use of alcohol, for example, from dependent or addictive use of alcohol (and a variety of other substances and “things”).

In his book, “Addiction and Pastoral Care”, Nicholas Roberts quotes different experts’ definitions of addiction, addiction “is a syndrome in which a reward seeking behaviour has become out of control” and “an excessive desire for the consumption of a variety of drugs and difficulties in giving up their use…”

According to these definitions, I do not think my normal enjoyment of coffee should not be considered an addiction. At least, I can have my days without coffee, but what about my cell phone? Are there any harms if I have been addicted to the cell phone?

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The way to handle negative people

We may need to cope with negative people in our daily life. In his book “The Tao of Daily Life”, Derek Lin has offered us the way to handle negative people:

“Criticizing others while being unaware of their own faults is something that many people do. We can even say that it is something we all do from time to time…when people lash out at us with venomous criticism, we should not accept it passively. We should certainly protect ourselves by putting some distance between us and them if at all possible; protect ourselves in other ways if not. The crucial point is that we can do so without feeling offended or insulted because these people are simply being themselves. It is their nature to be critical and judgmental, so it would be absurd for us to take offense, It would be pointless to get angry.”

The question for you and I to ask ourselves at first is if we have recognized and accepted our negative nature. We have to keep ourselves away from being negative toward ourselves and others.

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I have the experience – opening up to physical pain

In her book, “small bites: mindfulness for everyday use”, Annabelle Ziner wrote,

“Most of us have never been taught how to deal with physical pain in a positive way. (I agree with Annabelle) Emotional pain often arises as a result of physical pain, and this can cause us to suffer. We suffer because our mind builds a resistance against the unpleasant feeling of physical pain. The mind says that this pain shouldn’t be there…No one can escape this fact. The body is not set up to exclusively produce pleasant feelings; there will also be unpleasant feelings…Adopting an open, compassionate attitude toward pain is one of the most important steps you can take toward suffering less….After you’ve carefully investigated pain, you can move your attention to a different or more distant area in your body where there neutral or pleasant sensations. For example, when you’re experiencing a headache you can focus instead on the sensations in your feet or hands. This helps enlarge your field of perception; the pain is no longer the only thing in your mind. You allow the pain a wide space in which it can exist with other sensations…At the end of the practice, you should be aware of feeling your entire body one more time and smile at it kindly…”

When we went to a dental clinic for teeth cleaning and filing, I used this method to cope with my pain. My head hurt a lot when I was suffering from COVID, the practice of this method in a mindful way helped me not only cope with the pain but also had the energy to take care of the other three people in the same house.

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Ordinary mind and meditation

In the book, “Labyrinth Meditations: labyrinths for mindfulness, meditation, and centring”, Madonna Gauding’s writing deepened my understanding on medication:

“Meditation is a practice for cultivating deeper awareness, a way to gain psychological insight and, if you choose, a method of communicating with God or a higher power….is to help you overcome the limitations of ordinary awareness and expand your mind to high consciousness…Our everyday lives are like a waking dream. Rather than being truly awake and aware, we are usually preoccupied or lost in thought…We also have a habit of projecting onto others what we think they are feeling or thinking, without truly knowing whether this is so…Rather than being awake to reality as it is, and truly aware of what is going on around and inside us, it is as if we are living in a dream world – a small, confining world of our mind’s creation. Yet we are convinced that we know what is real and what isn’t…The good news is that rather than waiting for the world to shock us into awareness, we can choose to live in an awakened state all the time. Meditation is the antidote to living in a dream world…to live fully in the present moment…From this peaceful mind spring insight and awareness…”.

You are invited to follow my posts to: learn & practice meditation, and experience the power of the now and awareness.